Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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