Pappa wants mamma naked
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
