i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
