making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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