dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
