just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
