the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
