Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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