i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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