Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
third nipple confirmed
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
