I could make wine with my vomit
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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