And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
