Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize