Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
