Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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