Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
