don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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