well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
