Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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