Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
