Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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