What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
