Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
