just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
