Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I won the penis lottery.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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