I think my fart just growled at me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
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I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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