I heard we made out
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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