We won't sleep together?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
