You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
