Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was CRYING into my vagina
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
