Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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