In America we eat man semen.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
