About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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