I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
