if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
