I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
