I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
