Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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