Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize