so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Blood and glitter go together right?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
