What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
