I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize