theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
