I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
honey bunches of taint.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
