No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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