Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
