my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
