if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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