So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
