This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
