So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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