Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You smell like a Billy Joel song
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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