his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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