this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
