The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
