I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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