I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
