Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
