You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
