Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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