What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i believe in u and ur pee
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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