the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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