All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
