Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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