How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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