WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
