the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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