Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize