I faked an abortion last night.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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