Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
