Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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