Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
