just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
