So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my shit smells like andre
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
