nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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