When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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