it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho