the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
