Cold hands, warm shart.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"