Texts From Last Night

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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".

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  (304): You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces". http://tfl.nu/rjzc
  Replies (5) Good night (4027) Bad night (1260)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.

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  (507): and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person. http://tfl.nu/ixis
  Replies (12) Good night (1249) Bad night (6116)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??

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  (551): do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse?? http://tfl.nu/m371
  Replies (22) Good night (3733) Bad night (797)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

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  (612): Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever. http://tfl.nu/d9v5
  Replies (8) Good night (3229) Bad night (884)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.

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  (918): It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever. http://tfl.nu/0i0j
  Replies (31) Good night (1009) Bad night (6023)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

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  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (38) Good night (2172) Bad night (10155)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.

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  (512): I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench. http://tfl.nu/bsle
  Replies (9) Good night (3429) Bad night (1100)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.

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  (912): I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars. http://tfl.nu/3pqt
  Replies (2) Good night (1359) Bad night (804)
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  (209): View more from California

  This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!

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  (209): This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ! http://tfl.nu/qsnl
  Replies (7) Good night (1953) Bad night (694)
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  (+04): View more from

  She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.

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  (+04): She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf. http://tfl.nu/hr1t
  Replies (7) Good night (1247) Bad night (983)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang

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  (480): Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang http://tfl.nu/1oo5
  Replies (12) Good night (4229) Bad night (854)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying

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  (250): I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying http://tfl.nu/ewgt
  Replies (10) Good night (2430) Bad night (795)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.

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  (+44): I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff. http://tfl.nu/4dhc
  Replies (3) Good night (588) Bad night (338)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?

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  (734): It's been awhile, you pregnant yet? http://tfl.nu/3ukk
  Replies (2) Good night (233) Bad night (475)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?

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  (919): He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/jmwx
  Replies (0) Good night (160) Bad night (351)

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