Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked