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so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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