This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
