Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.

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  (403): So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint. http://tfl.nu/8aqq
  Replies (17) Good night (4427) Bad night (557)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  i think the cat found all the blow we lost...

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  (269): i think the cat found all the blow we lost... http://tfl.nu/uqm6
  Replies (31) Good night (1486) Bad night (5616)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

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  (815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y
  Replies (205) Good night (45501) Bad night (4142)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks

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  (248): My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks http://tfl.nu/rdtc
  Replies (50) Good night (7149) Bad night (1157)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty

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  (918): When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty http://tfl.nu/ybq4
  Replies (19) Good night (1195) Bad night (6753)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?

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  (903): How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number? http://tfl.nu/4q6h
  Replies (33) Good night (5546) Bad night (1222)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official

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  (302): didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official http://tfl.nu/mdan
  Replies (15) Good night (4650) Bad night (1088)
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  (916): View more from California

  Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room

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  (916): Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room http://tfl.nu/yi7m
  Replies (13) Good night (1399) Bad night (3825)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania

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  (224): I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania http://tfl.nu/5wck
  Replies (14) Good night (2464) Bad night (671)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years

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  (425): we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years http://tfl.nu/w11g
  Replies (2) Good night (1157) Bad night (521)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.

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  (978): Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace. http://tfl.nu/dayc
  Replies (4) Good night (1206) Bad night (444)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.

  (512): View more from Texas

  I won

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  (512): I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest. (512): I won http://tfl.nu/ojuf
  Replies (3) Good night (1104) Bad night (543)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  can i bring anything?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  is there a theme i should know about?

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  (412): can i bring anything? (443): Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer (412): is there a theme i should know about? http://tfl.nu/49rz
  Replies (2) Good night (677) Bad night (235)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.

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  (402): Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring. http://tfl.nu/m8y1
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (169)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.

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  (941): He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too. http://tfl.nu/ka0m
  Replies (2) Good night (583) Bad night (305)

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