Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd

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(850): View more from Florida

hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

(904): View more from Florida

not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

(850): View more from Florida

i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

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(850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x

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(908): View more from New Jersey

It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!

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(908): It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?! http://tfl.nu/h7d0

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.

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(601): Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit. http://tfl.nu/lbl1

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(701): View more from North Dakota

So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster

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(701): So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster http://tfl.nu/imtg

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(503): View more from Oregon

you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?

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(503): you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you? http://tfl.nu/6gws

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(516): View more from New York

Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar

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(516): Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar http://tfl.nu/xg4s

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(678): View more from Georgia

God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.

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(678): God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job. http://tfl.nu/ew2c

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(979): View more from Texas

She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?

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(979): She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low? http://tfl.nu/2el8

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(518): View more from New York

How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.

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(518): How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day. http://tfl.nu/rh3z

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(616): View more from Michigan

I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza

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(616): I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza http://tfl.nu/i05b

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(647): View more from Ontario

i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night

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(647): i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night http://tfl.nu/8b8u

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(775): View more from Nevada

For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet

(775): View more from Nevada

Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now

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(775): For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet (775): Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now http://tfl.nu/ra39

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(406): View more from Montana

There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.

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(406): There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing. http://tfl.nu/ymyj

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(+86): View more from China

Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.

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(+86): Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage. http://tfl.nu/0ehg

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